Business is about people. Business Blogging is also about people.
Some of you reading this are thinking, “No it isn’t. Business is about money (then a few might even add) you idiot!”
If you are one of the folks thinking that, I say you are wrong. Here’s why.
If you get the people, the money will follow. Money doesn’t spend itself. People make the transaction happen.
And it is a fact that people are much more likely to do business with other people that they know, like and trust. If they never hear of your business, chances are remote that they will send their money in your direction. If they have a strong reason not to trust you, you will have a much more difficult time making a sale than if there is credibility built in before you meet.
But how can you become more likable? Is it truly possible to make people like you?
Yes. It is possible.
And it is easy too. Just apply this simple 4 step formula and you will find people like you a whole lot more than they do now.
1. Ask Questions
Everyone has the same favorite subject: Themselves.
It is a universal law of humanity that people would rather talk about themselves than hear about you. And if you show an interest in their favorite subject, they will surely like you for it.
So the secret to making people like you is to be interested in their favorite subject and get them talking about it.
The easiest way to make this happen is to ask them a question. Try to make it a question that will tell you something about them.
To add extra power to your question, make sure they can’t answer it with a simple yes or no. For example: Do you like chocolate? is no where near as good a question as What’s your favorite desert?
Questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no are called open ended questions. These are the ones you want to get into the habit of asking everyone you want to like you.
Think of the essay questions you used to get in school. You know, the ones that made you groan because there was no simple answer for so you could never be sure if you gave the right one or not.
You are much more likely to get the other person talking with an open ended question than if they can simply say “No.” and dismiss you.
2. Shut Up
The next step to our formula is simple. Even so it is easy to mess up here.
You will be tempted to immediately change the direction of the conversation that you’ve just started over to your own favorite subject (which if you haven’t figured it out already is yourself.)
Don’t do this.
Instead shut up and allow the person you asked the question to to speak. Let them keep talking as long as they will.
Your success in making people like you is completely dependent on your ability to allow them to talk. The more you are doing the talking the less success you will have.
3. Listen
This third step will likely be the hardest part of the formula, especially if you are new at this.
Not only do you have to be not talking, but you have to put a little effort into hearing what the other person is saying in response to your powerful open ended question.
If you are like me, you will be tempted to be thinking about what you want to say next while you are not talking. If you succumb to that temptation you will probably end up worse off than before you started.
Remember, their favorite topic is them. If you show you didn’t hear them when it comes your turn to say something in the conversation you will come across as a slick hypocrite who was trying to manipulate them just so that you could tell them something you wanted them to hear.
On the other hand, if you show them that you really care (by paying attention and hearing what they say) about their favorite subject, even the crustiest hard case will soften and think more kindly toward you.
4. Repeat
Then do it again. And again. And again…
The more you repeat this process the more that other person will think you are a great guy or gal.
And there you have it. A simple 4 step formula that is guaranteed to see success in making people like you.
So head on out and make some new friends today. I bet you’ll find your business will increase as a result of all those new friends.
Enjoy!
Great post Chris and very on target. This is very true in many walks of the business and personal world.
My only addition would be to leave out the “How are You?” question when possible. =O)
Actually… my favorite desert is the Sahara. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!
Chris, this is a great formula, not just for business, but for LIFE! It makes me think of an old song (Mamas & Papas or maybe Peter, Paul and Mary); something about a fellow who sits down with a stranger, and now “he’s a friend of mine”.
Pretty cool way to live, my friend! You can’t go wrong.
Good point, Margie. It helps to be interested enough to ask a question that has a little depth behind it. Shows you really are interested.
Robert, Gaaack! I got desert/dessert vertigo. Again. Us spell check cripples can only get so far.
Friends are probably easier to find than we realize.
So let me ask you guys. What are some good questions to ask folks?
Hi,
Very true indeed.
I guess it can be summerized by saying that
In order for people to like you, you need to take interest in them.
Sham
Hey Sham! Welcome aboard S-C! You get it. And it is just that simple. Unfortunately 97% of the folks out there don’t see it yet.
Very good points, Chris. If you don’t mind, since step 4 is named Repeat. Another helpful method that plays right into that step is to build your questions on information you just heard (which means that you have to carry out step 3
).
So as you repeat the process, repeat some of what you have heard to create your next questions.
Since that is another sign for your counterpart, that shows that you actually listened and are taking interest in what is being said.
Do I have anyone confused yet …
I’m with you, Ollie. I guess I assumed folks would automatically use what they learned in step 3 as they asked follow up questions. I’m glad you pointed it out because assuming is never a good idea!
Great ideas in this post Chris. It actually is very easy to put these ideas to work in any situation because most people are so self centred that they love talking about themselves.
Seriously though, the principles outlined here by Chris are essential in building any kind of relationship with others, whether that be in your marriage, family, home, friendship circle, neighborhood, work, business, church, clubs or whatever – wherever you need to interact with people.
You are absolutely right, Trevor. And I can’t say that the idea is original to me, either. Dale Carnegie wrote about it more than 70 years ago. I simply read the book and applied the principles.
Yeah. I dig it. On point four, not only repeat – as in repeat steps 1-3 – repeat what your prospect/client has just said. That way, you both understand clearly what their needs are.
Good point, Dawud. I used to think that repeating back what the other person said was condescending. But as I get older I must be getting a little dumber because I realize that I don’t always get the meaning like I thought I did. Repeating it back can alleviate a ton of confusion.
Well, I am very late to the party but I came across this post while using stumble upon. Having worked in customer service too many years to count and now running our own business with my wife I have to say that while these points may seem obvious to some they are definitely the most overlooked by both business owners and employees alike.
My wife and I have a two year old son. When I walk into a business, if they ask for my name, that’s one thing. If they ask my son’s name, that’s more points in their favour. Remember my son’s name the next time I visit your shop and you will have a customer for life. It’s a fairly simple thing to do and will definitely make an impression on your clients.
Great post!
Loved the article Chris. Your “4 step formula” principles are sound and will work like a charm every time if a person is able to effectively listen.
Listening is not only hearing what a person is saying but giving “VALUE” to their answer. This is where many, including myself at times, have botched the formula.
We ask our open ended questions and then judge folks on their answers to them. We must allow people to have their own opinions and value those opinions even if they are very different from our own.
Great post. The tips here are very similar to the things I’m learning in my communications classes here at Fairmont State.
this is a great blog, I also read something like that from Dale Carnegie on how to make people like you – “something like that” so the no. 1 secret is to be interested on what they want to talk about then they will like you for communicating. They will tell you you are really good communicator when in fact you just listened to them. Its a good reminder to have this post.
Nice tips. I liked all the 4 steps that you have mentioned above
Nice post! It was actually true indeed both in the relationship between couples and business partner as well. Even fellows we meet everyday and sudden acquaintances, it really helps! Thanks for the post!:-)